on adulting in india — loneliness, guilt, choices nobody trained us for

the strange part of growing up in india is that you can be given a very detailed script for twenty years and then be expected to improvise the rest.

study hard. choose the safe option. respect your family. make them proud. none of that is bad advice on its own. it just leaves a gap when you want something that does not fit the script, like living alone, changing direction, or choosing a life that looks less legible to relatives.

wanting independence is not the same as wanting distance. you can love your family and still need a room where your decisions are not a group project. the problem is that many of us were never taught the language for saying that without making it sound like rejection.

there is privilege in this too. not everyone gets to experiment with career, city, or relationships without carrying financial consequences for an entire family. pretending every choice is equally available would be dishonest.

but responsibility eventually arrives anyway. it looks like paperwork, budgeting, difficult conversations, and finding out that no adult is about to tell you the correct next move.

maybe adulthood is not becoming certain. maybe it is learning to make a decision with incomplete information, own the cost, and keep your people close without handing them the steering wheel.